Vestibule for Dreams

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

Good looking+Gay=OK?

I am an avid YouTube watcher. YouTube is my cable. I don’t really watch television. What do i watch? Gay content of course! The heterosexual shows and channels are a bit boring for me. Plus the AdSense for gay content is apparently fucked up…might as well support a local queer.

With watching queer content, comes a SHITLOAD of “coming out” stories. Now this shit I am about to say will sound fucked up as hell. But tumblr is a safe space so I feel its okay to voice this. With watching my fair share of coming out stories has made me come to the conclusion that people seem to have a better reaction to physically attractive people being gay. I’m not saying this is some type of scientific fact or some shit. But is there really a correlation between attraction and acceptance? Why is it that if you find me visually pleasing or socially popular, the shock and disgust of “being gay” lessens!?! I have rarely heard of the outside world having negative things to say to an attractive gay person’s face. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. I’m just saying its less heard of. Is the human race so shallow that even fundamental values are wavered due to a hot face. Fuck that shit! If u dislike gays….tell me that shit! Don’t give me your bullshit “tolerance” just because you find me attractive. 

PSA,PSA: I love the LGBTQIA+ community. And truly believe love is love. NO matter age, gender or molecular make up. People just need to cut the BS and be real. We already out here fighting the hate. Don’t come fronting like snakes. We need to know who is truly on our side. Thank You very much. 

Welcome to my closet

Why is it so hard?….

Hard to make friends; especially friends that are girls! Can they see what I am not saying? Can they smell it? Do i look ‘that’ way? Probably all the flannel, black and boyfriend shirts I wear? Even so…. Is that a bad thing? Why is it that our culture is so stuck in this archaic way of thinking? NO screw that! It’s not an archaic way of thinking…it’s a stupid way of NOT thinking. The Greeks from as early as the 7th century had same sex relations as a right of passage for their boys. SO FUCK YOU MODERN SOCIETY!!! 

I once heard a broadcast state that in my country they poled a huge portion of our population and the results were that 80% of people know someone in the LGBT+ community and are OK with it. Sadly, that’s so not my reality. Right now, a smile means you are making a pass, a glare means you are ready to fight/checking them out, and ignoring means you are a stuck up bitch! So basically, the gays can do no right! I have been so uncomfortable in my closet, i ordered IKEA furniture online to make it a bit more comfy in here. Might as well, heaven knows I’ll be in here a while. Perhaps a nice DIY setup? Now it would be nice to have company over. We can play scrabble/monopoly while sipping a nice chai green tea almond milk latte. So I say….welcome to my closet; grab a seat. Change is invited. She should be coming; hopefully soon. But for now…we wait!

waiting-bb-free

STAIND

“It’s been awhile”…since i have been on tumblr. I had a rush of optimism when i initially started this page. But like the depths of my soul…that thought went very dark. Is life derived from the Greek word for ‘strife’!? Not to be all emo but….give me a fucking break sometimes! Most days are okay. I’m not on the verge of suicide or anything. But it sure would be nice to live free. I do afterall have the word “freedom” tattooed on my wrist.

“It’s been awhile”…since i have had someone of my own. Friends are few and fascinations are fewer. Noone seems to tickle my fancy bone like the Youtubers do. And let’s be real, youtube love, (like Queen Gaga says) is but a perfect illusion. I am not saying people that are on youtube are faking being in love. But thinking that youtubers go around hooking up with their fangirling subscribers is as ridiculous as President Trump. 

So “it’s been awhile”…since i have expressed my feelings on the internet. But I’m still ‘right here’ waiting for the moment when ‘everything changes’. Hopefully, it’s not ‘so far away’. 

Day bi-day

How do U know if U are bi? People always have so many different ways to explain everything….I know everyone has their own experience N so it will give different insights into the way things work. But….Fuck U, U fucking asshole called life. Why don’t U come with an instruction manual or at least a nice Oxford 10 edition urban dictionary!? At least then I would know how to define these things happening in my life! I’m too old for this shit!…. I don’t want to be like 50 when I finally decide what I am N who I love. Then have to be like Stella trying to get my groove back! Get it together life!….Get ur fucking shit together!

Tynenol

Have you ever had a great day that gave you temporary relief from the pain of your shitty life?!…. Today was that day for me. Today was a 500mg Tynenol….it eased the pain.

Its hard being in a country and a place, even worst…. a house where u know u can never truly be yourself. And the worst thing is….my true self is just as great if not better than what I pretend to be. I’ve been raised the “right way”. Church on Sundays, manners and chores to build character. With the amount of chores I have done…. I have an entire OITNB cast of character. Now, all I need is for me to find what I have been waiting for. ….the right person to see what only I have been able to see…….ME!